On talking to kids about a pet's death

When I was in my early 30s, my dad had dementia. I was visiting him with my stepmom at his assisted living home. We were talking about the "old" days and I told my stepmom about the pets we had as a kid (my parents divorced when I was in college, so I didn't grow up with my stepmom). I was talking about our turtles, Yertle, Myrtle and Turtle. Yertle was a box turtle, Myrtle and Turtle were desert tortoises. My parents rescued Turtle from some punk who was drilling a hole in her back. At any rate, I was telling the story to my stepmom as my dad listened and I told her that Turtle got a turtle disease and my parents took him (her?) back to live in the desert. I caught an odd look on my dad's face - which was really odd because the dementia created lots of "odd" looks - and for some reason said to my dad "you didn't take Turtle to live in the desert, did you?" He kind of smiled and then laughed and said "no." I was in my 30s. I'd told friends in college the story. I'd told many, many people the story. No one ever said a word.

Here's a link to an article that says you shouldn't tell kids that their beloved pet went to live "on the farm." Well, I'm living proof. Don't do it. If nothing else, we'll feel like idiots when we're 32. :)

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42310680/ns/today-parenting/

Random things that I like

beets
designing my dream home
petting my cat
walking my dog
watching movies
lifting weights
going for walks
watching birds fly
dreaming
yogurt
naps
sudoku
research
French press coffee
watching sun play on the water
looking at the stars
the feel of Scotch whisky on my tongue
bunnies

On "choosing" homosexuality

I've always wondered about people who talk about homosexuality as a choice. I figure the heterosexuals I know didn't wake up one morning thinking "you know, I've thought about it a lot and I've decided I'm going to like ___ (whatever the opposite is). " And, knowing they didn't really decide, I've wondered why people talk about homosexuality as a choice. "you know, I've thought about it a lot and being a homosexual seems like a fantastic idea. People I don't know will write hateful things, I might get beat up, I can be fired/denied housing/kept from my loved ones (depending on what state I live in). Religious leaders will speak out against me. What a great idea. Yeah. I'll do that." And then, the older I got, the more I heard and read about folks who were rabidly anti-gay being gay. And it really got me to wondering. You're growing up, you see that you won't go to heaven, you hear bad things about homosexuals and maybe some folks really do decide, "you know, I'm going to be a heterosexual" because being who they really are is so frowned upon. And that realization made me sad for the folks who speak out so forcefully against homosexuality. At another level it made me kind of angry because their hatred of who they were didn't just stop there but kept going as those in positions of power spoke out against civil rights for lbgt folks.

what a great day to be alive

Seriously.

Stop calling Social Security an entitlement. Now.

I've been paying into Social Security my entire working life. Even as a kid working in California I paid into Social Security. It's not an entitlement. Dagnabit! Working people pay into it their entire lives. Now, do what has to be done to make it solvent - like stop dipping into the trust fund or using its assets to show a better deficit or whatever is being done. But, really, an entitlement is something you just "get." It's not something you earn.

Let's just start out being controversial. That'll be fun.

Thoughts on the culture wars. This time, abortion. Went for a drive to town yesterday (bigger deal than you think. I live in the boondocks. It's more than 70 miles to the nearest Target). Saw, as I always do, some billboards. Saw several on the theme around "Life begins at conception." Honestly, I'd be a lot more enamored of the cause if seemed like folks cared about society helping the kids after they were born. But Republican legislatures nationwide are trying to balance budgets on the back of education. States are making it harder for poor kids (and their parents) to be eligible for lower-cost (or just flat out available) health plans. Before they're born, babies are "precious". After they're born, "well, [parental unit] shouldn't have had sex if (s)he wasn't ready to be a parent" or something like that. I really, really don't like the idea of abortion. But I also really, really don't like the idea that the minute they're born we, as a society, don't care about them anymore. Either babies matter or they don't, but if we're going to stick our noses into someone's business (by saying they can't/shouldn't have an abortion) we ought to be willing to stick our noses in and help that baby and mother get to a safe, healthy, and educated adulthood.

Oh yeah. Here's an interesting link on the subject of abortion and Republican obsession with it:

http://www.salon.com/news/abortion/index.html?story=%2Fpolitics%2Fwar_room%2F2011%2F03%2F27%2Fmarcotte_abortion_republicans

Thoughts on Iowa and "gay" marriage and sanctimonious people

My thoughts on the "gay" marriage controversy.

1. the reason I put "gay" in the term "'gay' marriage" in quotes:
   a. marriage is marriage. unless we're going to call male/female marriage "heterosexual marriage" don't call "gay" marriage "gay marriage."  Marriage as recognized by the state is a civil contract between two adults who aren't too closely related (i.e. siblings, cousins, parent/child) in which both parties to the contract receive benefits from the state/federal government and have responsibilities to the state/federal government.
   b. that's it for #1
2. It's kind of weird and backward to be all that concerned about what your neighbors or folks across town are up to. really. mind your business.
3. "gay" marriage is not a stepping stone to marrying your dog or some other animal or a child or something. Dogs and kids (and pet rocks and all the other idiotic examples I've heard) CAN'T SIGN LEGAL CONTRACTS. Duh. marriage is a contract. your dog can't sign one. so the b.s. about "well, I'm going to marry my dog" is just that, b.s.
4. quit imposing a particular religious belief on everyone. Some churches are o.k. with same sex nuptials. some aren't. not everyone goes to "church" or some like institution. Do you really want practices of Islam imposed on everyone? Or practices of Buddhism imposed on everyone? Why not leave your religious practice to what it is -- your religious practice.
5. PAY ATTENTION. Idiots with deep pockets are using you. They're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to convince you to do what they want you to do not so you can have power but so they can have power.

That is all.

oh. wait. interesting link:
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20110316/NEWS/103160352/-1/ENT06/Same-sex-marriage-campaign-aimed-Iowa-conservatives

Thoughts on medical stuff

Going in for a test that is going to take "a minute and a half tops" and having it take almost an hour to find out they can't do the test (they tried, they just can't) is kind of sobering. You think you're going to get answers and you find out that 1.) while populations as a whole are built like "x" not everyone is and not being "x" is problematic, and 2.) doctors are human just like the rest of us.

Long Form Birth Certificates. Now, really, can we move on to something important like, oh, I don't know, the economy?

Here's the thing. My mom's family has been in this country since before the Revolutionary War. My dad's family has been in this country since the 1800's. I was born in this country. I don't have a "long form" birth certificate. Not sure how to get one. Have never needed one. And, yes, I have a passport. And, I've had a driver's license in three different states.

Plus, and this just might be the kicker. I remember NO ONE from my kindergarten. Not a single soul. Know that I went, but don't remember anyone. Really wouldn't be surprised if they don't remember me.

That is all.

http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/2011/03/donald_trump_gives_orly_taitz.php

Why do we keep looking for differences?

Differences can be cool - different foods, languages, music. But we really seem to spend a lot of time thinking of ways in which people who are different from us are somehow lesser. Gays are different and therefore bad. Or migrant workers. Or folks from "foreign" places. Or folks who worship differently. Or people with disabilities. We spend an awful lot of time looking for ways that we're superior. Is it because we're afraid that someone picking something else (not that one picks the color of their skin or their sexual orientation or lots of other stuff) somehow makes the thing we "are" (or we "picked") somehow lesser? Are we that afraid that we've chosen wrong that we have to put down any choice that isn't ours ("gosh, how can folks like ____ ? with "____" being any number of things: Medieval architecture, math, tapioca pudding, a different way to worship - or not worshiping at all. Why can't we move on to the fact that I like spicy food and you don't and that's o.k.? Or I love women and you love men or you love men and women? As long as it's a choice - a real choice - for whoever's involved, it's really not my business. besides, I might discover something interesting (tapioca pudding for instance!) if I stopped judging and started just experiencing.

People who don't believe in homosexuality

Drive me crazy. Say you approve or disapprove (right, like you have the right. when did we all get so special that we think we have the right to pass judgement on others?) but believe in it or not, it exists.

stream of consciousness

panic assumptions grace sand between my toes cats purring figuring out you don't have all the answers and never will being o.k. with that sushi carter beats the devil getting lost in a good book how hard good books are to come by wondering when things will get batter glad they're not worse listening no really listening moving on

Suicide

My mom and my brother both killed themselves. I miss them and I really wonder why folks view death by suicide as anything worse than death by any other means. Someone who's gone to a really dark place isn't really all that different than someone who's got heart trouble or cancer or anything else. Society sure seems more forgiving of some types of deaths than others. Which raises another question, why do we feel the need to judge any kind of death? Life ends. but whether it ended because someone hit the accelerator rather than the brake or because someone smoked too much or drank too much or ate too many high-fat foods or just couldn't find their way out of the darkness, it's all sad and tragic and we need to stop judging.

Where to start?

Starting's always hard. You don't always know where you're going and there's always a chance you'll end up where you didn't want to be.