seriously. ff a gay man can't rule on gay issues, what can he rule on? can he rule on issues related to straight people? women? men? custody issues but only when they involve gay - or is that straight - children? can he rule on banking issues? what about land swaps? likewise, can a heterosexual judge not rule on issues related to other heterosexuals? should only gay people rule on straight issues and straight people rule on gay issues? should only married people rule on marriage? should only divorced people hear (or is that not hear) divorce cases? should cat owners only rule on dog issues? can a woman rule on men's issues? can a woman rule on women's issues? how on earth can a human rule on issues related to farm animals or land swaps? should only a medical doctor rule on malpractice issues? or should medical doctors rule on veterinary issues? or should we just decide now that architects rule on medical issues and doctors rule on calculus issues so that we're sure no one understands what's going on?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_gay_marriage_trial
sigh
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Dr. Who
Dr. Who premieres in 26 minutes. Excited.
I can remember totally not getting Dr. Who or Star Trek. I remember my brother and a friend watching reruns of Star Trek when we were kids and I remember my brother being fascinted with Dr. Who. I even bought him a couple Dr. Who magazines before he died. I learned to appreciate Star Trek back in the 1980s and 1990's with Next Gen and Voyager. I eventually went back to the originals. They're amazing. Dr. Who, on the other hand, is just a blast. I have seen almost none of the originals, but now that I have streaming Netflix, plan to. I've watched the last few seasons and have even enjoyed Torchwood.
Ooooh. now it's only 23 minutes away. Too excited to write more.
I can remember totally not getting Dr. Who or Star Trek. I remember my brother and a friend watching reruns of Star Trek when we were kids and I remember my brother being fascinted with Dr. Who. I even bought him a couple Dr. Who magazines before he died. I learned to appreciate Star Trek back in the 1980s and 1990's with Next Gen and Voyager. I eventually went back to the originals. They're amazing. Dr. Who, on the other hand, is just a blast. I have seen almost none of the originals, but now that I have streaming Netflix, plan to. I've watched the last few seasons and have even enjoyed Torchwood.
Ooooh. now it's only 23 minutes away. Too excited to write more.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
More thoughts on suicide
It seems like suicide has been in the news a lot lately. Two kids who live nearby killed themselves over the weekend and a study in Oregon showing that gay and straight teens who live in more conservative environments are more likely to attempt suicide is all over.
Both my mom and brother killed themselves after multiple tries over multiple years. I really think most of us don't think it's possible that someone will actually do "it." When I first became aware of my mom's attempts I really didn't understand what was going on because I was a kid. I knew she was sick, but my dad tried to hide (and did it very well) what was going on from us. My mom used to tell us that if we didn't behave (or do our chores or not talk back or whatever) she'd kill herself. Even when I was a young adult in my 20s she said stuff like that over the phone. It was, I thought, her way of keeping us in line. When she really did kill herself and I went to her house with my aunts and uncles and we were looking through papers for information (mortgages, bills, etc.) they kept finding what I guess you'd call draft suicide notes and sharing them with each other and me. Several years later, one of my aunts told me that they eventually stopped showing them to me because there were so many.
My brother, on the other hand, was in and out of mental institutions and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. Part of me always thought he'd end up dead because of the demons. Another part figured that once dad was dead I'd have to move closer to where he was to be closer to him and help watch over him. When he died, my purpose in life died. It took a long time to find a new purpose.
But back to my point. Even though I knew it was a possibility because of so many attempts over the years I never really thought it would happen and other than trying very hard (and I didn't succeed all that often, I knew that then and I know that now) to keep them alive by not being argumentative I figured my life was going to be about them trying to kill themselves, not succeeding so long ago that I barely remember what their voices sounded like.
It is horrible that folks think a parent or sibling or partner should, no, must, know that someone is going to end it all and that the parent/sibling/partner must be in a position to stop it. I can't stop a fatal heart attack. I can't stop a diabetic insulin reaction. Why should I be able to stop a suicide attempt? Suicide is horrible and awful and it weighs on survivors like you wouldn't believe. Most of us can barely keep track of what we're doing, much less what someone 1,500 miles away is doing.
We can try to be kind. We can stop posting hateful items about folks on Facebook or Twitter. We can stop bullying people. But mostly, kids who are bullied are told to buck up and not let it get to them. But, really, who's to say who's going to be deeply impacted by hateful bullying and who's going to be able to shrug it off. And why the hell do we put people in a position where they have to either get over it or let it kill them? Why the hell do we have to treat people like outsiders? And why on earth can't we get the concept that mental health issues are just as really as other health issues like cancer or diabetes or pick something.
Both my mom and brother killed themselves after multiple tries over multiple years. I really think most of us don't think it's possible that someone will actually do "it." When I first became aware of my mom's attempts I really didn't understand what was going on because I was a kid. I knew she was sick, but my dad tried to hide (and did it very well) what was going on from us. My mom used to tell us that if we didn't behave (or do our chores or not talk back or whatever) she'd kill herself. Even when I was a young adult in my 20s she said stuff like that over the phone. It was, I thought, her way of keeping us in line. When she really did kill herself and I went to her house with my aunts and uncles and we were looking through papers for information (mortgages, bills, etc.) they kept finding what I guess you'd call draft suicide notes and sharing them with each other and me. Several years later, one of my aunts told me that they eventually stopped showing them to me because there were so many.
My brother, on the other hand, was in and out of mental institutions and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. Part of me always thought he'd end up dead because of the demons. Another part figured that once dad was dead I'd have to move closer to where he was to be closer to him and help watch over him. When he died, my purpose in life died. It took a long time to find a new purpose.
But back to my point. Even though I knew it was a possibility because of so many attempts over the years I never really thought it would happen and other than trying very hard (and I didn't succeed all that often, I knew that then and I know that now) to keep them alive by not being argumentative I figured my life was going to be about them trying to kill themselves, not succeeding so long ago that I barely remember what their voices sounded like.
It is horrible that folks think a parent or sibling or partner should, no, must, know that someone is going to end it all and that the parent/sibling/partner must be in a position to stop it. I can't stop a fatal heart attack. I can't stop a diabetic insulin reaction. Why should I be able to stop a suicide attempt? Suicide is horrible and awful and it weighs on survivors like you wouldn't believe. Most of us can barely keep track of what we're doing, much less what someone 1,500 miles away is doing.
We can try to be kind. We can stop posting hateful items about folks on Facebook or Twitter. We can stop bullying people. But mostly, kids who are bullied are told to buck up and not let it get to them. But, really, who's to say who's going to be deeply impacted by hateful bullying and who's going to be able to shrug it off. And why the hell do we put people in a position where they have to either get over it or let it kill them? Why the hell do we have to treat people like outsiders? And why on earth can't we get the concept that mental health issues are just as really as other health issues like cancer or diabetes or pick something.
Monday, April 11, 2011
My life began when I was twelve
I've thought of the title of this post as the first line of a book for many, many years. The question is, how does someone write about something so difficult without literally throwing up? And if one can't, how does one ever put the past behind them? Are we condemned to carry our demons with us throughout our lives?
So, anyway. My life began when I was 12. My dad was dragging my mom through the backyard, yelling for me to get my younger brother and sister and take them to my brother's room so they wouldn't see what was going on. My dad had just gotten back from an overnight shift at the hospital. We didn't know where mom was. My dad put on his grubby gardening clothes and went outside to do some gardening. And that's when he found her. Seventeen years later, when mom did succeed in killing herself and I was calling everyone in her address book to tell them she was gone, one of the people I talked to reminded me that she'd watched me and my brother (my sister wasn't born yet) when my parents went to Europe when I was a toddler. She told me that I shouldn't feel any guilt because my mom had tried many times to kill herself. For some reason, she felt the need to tell me that the first time she knew that my mom had tried to kill herself was when she was pregnant with me.
I could have lived my entire life without knowing that. Instead, here I sit, almost 17 years later, knowing that.
So, anyway. My life began when I was 12. My dad was dragging my mom through the backyard, yelling for me to get my younger brother and sister and take them to my brother's room so they wouldn't see what was going on. My dad had just gotten back from an overnight shift at the hospital. We didn't know where mom was. My dad put on his grubby gardening clothes and went outside to do some gardening. And that's when he found her. Seventeen years later, when mom did succeed in killing herself and I was calling everyone in her address book to tell them she was gone, one of the people I talked to reminded me that she'd watched me and my brother (my sister wasn't born yet) when my parents went to Europe when I was a toddler. She told me that I shouldn't feel any guilt because my mom had tried many times to kill herself. For some reason, she felt the need to tell me that the first time she knew that my mom had tried to kill herself was when she was pregnant with me.
I could have lived my entire life without knowing that. Instead, here I sit, almost 17 years later, knowing that.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I dreamed a dream
I have really weird and vivid dreams. Last night's dream (or set of three I suppose) included:
1. me and my partner standing in one of only two countries in Africa that wasn't flooded. Except I could see flooding in the country I was in.
2. some sort of family reunion. My uncle Jack called. He didn't realize he and his wife, Janet, were coming to the reunion. When he got there, he looked nothing like himself, plus he was a lot younger. Plus, he's been dead for seven years. We were at some sort of store where you had to climb over the displays to get to various floors/display areas. And, you needed some sort of ticket filled out to make your purchases. I tripped at some point and broke a couple of items. I couldn't figure out which ones I'd broken because some already were broken. I took two broken figurines up to the cash register area but a bunch of us were told that they had to close so they'd do our purchases the next day.
3. my department at work went to a movie. the ticketing area was really weird with lots of little steps and two people taking money and giving tickets. Some folks sat down first and were waving to the rest of us. I found a seat at the end of our group next to some Ukrainian guys. I was fidgeting and one of the guys got annoyed and asked me to stop (before the movie started). I noted that I really did fidget a lot and didn't realize it. Everyone had big screens to put in front of their heads like it was a 3D movie or something. There were three vending machines down front all lit up. They had a major league baseball theme. I wondered if they came with a hockey or football theme because I really don't like baseball. The movie never really started, but there was stuff showing on the screen. Through the little boxes/windows we were holding up, some of what was showing was in focus and almost 3D, but some wasn't. People kept coming in to the movie theatre and a lot of them were from the company I work at. I said outloud that we should have just carpooled or hired a bus.
weird.
1. me and my partner standing in one of only two countries in Africa that wasn't flooded. Except I could see flooding in the country I was in.
2. some sort of family reunion. My uncle Jack called. He didn't realize he and his wife, Janet, were coming to the reunion. When he got there, he looked nothing like himself, plus he was a lot younger. Plus, he's been dead for seven years. We were at some sort of store where you had to climb over the displays to get to various floors/display areas. And, you needed some sort of ticket filled out to make your purchases. I tripped at some point and broke a couple of items. I couldn't figure out which ones I'd broken because some already were broken. I took two broken figurines up to the cash register area but a bunch of us were told that they had to close so they'd do our purchases the next day.
3. my department at work went to a movie. the ticketing area was really weird with lots of little steps and two people taking money and giving tickets. Some folks sat down first and were waving to the rest of us. I found a seat at the end of our group next to some Ukrainian guys. I was fidgeting and one of the guys got annoyed and asked me to stop (before the movie started). I noted that I really did fidget a lot and didn't realize it. Everyone had big screens to put in front of their heads like it was a 3D movie or something. There were three vending machines down front all lit up. They had a major league baseball theme. I wondered if they came with a hockey or football theme because I really don't like baseball. The movie never really started, but there was stuff showing on the screen. Through the little boxes/windows we were holding up, some of what was showing was in focus and almost 3D, but some wasn't. People kept coming in to the movie theatre and a lot of them were from the company I work at. I said outloud that we should have just carpooled or hired a bus.
weird.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
8: The Mormon Proposition
Watched 8: The Mormon Proposition this afternoon. While one fairly short movie can't (and didn't pretend to) show all the meaning in both sides of the Prop 8 battle in California, I feel like I came away with a better understanding of why Mormon families were so supportive of the effort to pass the referendum. It made me sad, but understanding that the Mormon prophets speak directly to Jesus (and I do apologize for my very rudementary statement of the issue) and that a command to support the effort with means and time means more than I can ever understand made me feel like I could "get" why it was so important.
The thing the movie didn't help me to understand is why the Mormon Church - both in Hawaii in the 90's and again in California - felt that the only way it could protect its' religious beliefs was through the legislative process.
Without any ruling of any kind, lots of people believe in Jesus, or don't believe in Jesus, or go to temples, mosques, churches, synagogues, store fronts in strip malls, etc.
All the folks that are seeking now to have their religious beliefs put into law ... I wonder how they'd feel if a religious belief that was contrary to theirs came into power and sought to overturn their law/beliefs with their own.
I don't know. It makes me wonder.
The thing the movie didn't help me to understand is why the Mormon Church - both in Hawaii in the 90's and again in California - felt that the only way it could protect its' religious beliefs was through the legislative process.
Without any ruling of any kind, lots of people believe in Jesus, or don't believe in Jesus, or go to temples, mosques, churches, synagogues, store fronts in strip malls, etc.
All the folks that are seeking now to have their religious beliefs put into law ... I wonder how they'd feel if a religious belief that was contrary to theirs came into power and sought to overturn their law/beliefs with their own.
I don't know. It makes me wonder.
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