It seems like suicide has been in the news a lot lately. Two kids who live nearby killed themselves over the weekend and a study in Oregon showing that gay and straight teens who live in more conservative environments are more likely to attempt suicide is all over.
Both my mom and brother killed themselves after multiple tries over multiple years. I really think most of us don't think it's possible that someone will actually do "it." When I first became aware of my mom's attempts I really didn't understand what was going on because I was a kid. I knew she was sick, but my dad tried to hide (and did it very well) what was going on from us. My mom used to tell us that if we didn't behave (or do our chores or not talk back or whatever) she'd kill herself. Even when I was a young adult in my 20s she said stuff like that over the phone. It was, I thought, her way of keeping us in line. When she really did kill herself and I went to her house with my aunts and uncles and we were looking through papers for information (mortgages, bills, etc.) they kept finding what I guess you'd call draft suicide notes and sharing them with each other and me. Several years later, one of my aunts told me that they eventually stopped showing them to me because there were so many.
My brother, on the other hand, was in and out of mental institutions and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. Part of me always thought he'd end up dead because of the demons. Another part figured that once dad was dead I'd have to move closer to where he was to be closer to him and help watch over him. When he died, my purpose in life died. It took a long time to find a new purpose.
But back to my point. Even though I knew it was a possibility because of so many attempts over the years I never really thought it would happen and other than trying very hard (and I didn't succeed all that often, I knew that then and I know that now) to keep them alive by not being argumentative I figured my life was going to be about them trying to kill themselves, not succeeding so long ago that I barely remember what their voices sounded like.
It is horrible that folks think a parent or sibling or partner should, no, must, know that someone is going to end it all and that the parent/sibling/partner must be in a position to stop it. I can't stop a fatal heart attack. I can't stop a diabetic insulin reaction. Why should I be able to stop a suicide attempt? Suicide is horrible and awful and it weighs on survivors like you wouldn't believe. Most of us can barely keep track of what we're doing, much less what someone 1,500 miles away is doing.
We can try to be kind. We can stop posting hateful items about folks on Facebook or Twitter. We can stop bullying people. But mostly, kids who are bullied are told to buck up and not let it get to them. But, really, who's to say who's going to be deeply impacted by hateful bullying and who's going to be able to shrug it off. And why the hell do we put people in a position where they have to either get over it or let it kill them? Why the hell do we have to treat people like outsiders? And why on earth can't we get the concept that mental health issues are just as really as other health issues like cancer or diabetes or pick something.
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